The envy never stops.<\/p>\n
I’m watching a livestream and the only thing I can think about is how I don’t belong there. I don’t know any of them, and they all know each other. There’s some kind of shared culture, like a sprawling inside joke, that I’ll never understand. My impulse is to force my name in front of them by donating to the stream, and enjoy the attention for a moment. But I’ve already spent time talking to these people. I know who they are, and I can’t stand them.<\/p>\n
This idea I’ve had. I know that it’s going to work, and most of the work on it is done. I thought I would feel something because of it, but I don’t.\u00a0 It’s the minutes I can’t tolerate, and every distraction I find leads me some other place I’ll never be welcome.<\/p>\n
There’s a new surface scratch on my monitor which I don’t remember making and I’ve lost nine pounds in the past five days.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The envy never stops. I’m watching a livestream and the only thing I can think about is how I don’t belong there. I don’t know any of them, and they all know each other. There’s some kind of shared culture, like a sprawling inside joke, that I’ll never understand. My impulse is to force my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-200","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-journal"],"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":false,"thumbnail":false,"medium":false,"medium_large":false,"large":false,"1536x1536":false,"2048x2048":false,"post-thumbnail":false,"post-thumbnail-mobile":false,"post-thumbnail-full":false,"origami-slider":false,"sow-carousel-default":false,"sow-blog-portfolio":false,"sow-blog-grid":false,"sow-blog-alternate":false},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"boy","author_link":"https:\/\/briefbloom.com\/journal\/author\/theboy\/"},"uagb_comment_info":1,"uagb_excerpt":"The envy never stops. I’m watching a livestream and the only thing I can think about is how I don’t belong there. I don’t know any of them, and they all know each other. There’s some kind of shared culture, like a sprawling inside joke, that I’ll never understand. My impulse is to force my…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/briefbloom.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/200","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/briefbloom.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/briefbloom.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briefbloom.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briefbloom.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=200"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/briefbloom.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/200\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":201,"href":"https:\/\/briefbloom.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/200\/revisions\/201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/briefbloom.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=200"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briefbloom.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=200"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briefbloom.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=200"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}